You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
