No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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