Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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