I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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