the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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