I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
