I don't think brook has ever known best
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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