well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
