I want to walk on stilts...naked
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
