it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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