everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
