you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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