No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
