You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
