Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
