My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
