She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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