The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
