She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
