It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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