Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
