I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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