you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
