It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
