so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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