I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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