This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
