Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
