I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You are a genius and a whore.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
