; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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