is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
