If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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