I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
