It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
