4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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