So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
