a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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