Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize