I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
