Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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