were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
