so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
