Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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