so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
