the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
