The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
