if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
