Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
