when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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