Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
