Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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