My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize