is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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