just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
