Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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