i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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