thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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