I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So. Much. Porn.
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