Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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