So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
