you guys were way drunker than both of me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
