The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
