I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
