I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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