Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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