well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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