I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
