Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
