i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
